Monday, December 18, 2006

Freak Out!

I'm in work and am dossing instead of doing my filing (yucky!). I am in such a bad mood. Things are not going to plan with the whole 'passing finals' idea. I am really worried that I am doing badly and I hate this feeling in the pit of my stomach. This guilty, judgemental, 'you should be doing better, so why aren't you' feeling. I am worried. I want to not care but accept what I get with grace and feel like that is what I deserved. Maybe this is what I deserve but I don't want to admit that. I would hope that I was a little smart than a C average or worse. Fact of the matter might be that I am not. I am down. I am wallowing in a vat of self-pity when I am the only one who can change my situation and I am in complete control of what grades I get. It is all such a struggle though. I don't want to struggle all my life. Anyway, I should go. Might delete this blog when I read it back in awhile. I am so sorry to my poor readers who much endure my pitiful moanngs. I swear to God, I am usually such an upbeat, glass-half-full, stand-still-and-smell-the-roses person. Berklee is a bad influence, I know that much!

7 comments:

meg said...

aw, lady! i've been there a million times and you get through it and it gets better. usually, we're harder on ourselves than we need to be. i hope it all goes quickly and as painlessly as possible.

buck up and know its going to be over really soon.

Unknown said...

Well, from what I've heard in passing, Berklee is a very hard school to begin with, so a C average there is like an A average in another college...Do you like my weird logic?! Whenever I'm feeling down on myself, I remember two things (you have mentioned one of them): 1) The road is long, but it's also wide, and this too shall soon pass. 2) It won't mean a thing in 100 years (Blues Traveller reference for ya!)

Cliche's aside, Meg has a good point: It will be over soon and you'll be back with that DB of yours who I'm sure will take great care of you :) Keep looking forward.

Unknown said...

Hello! Regarding your question about traveling on airplanes with knitting: I have traveled with no problems with my knitting, as long as my needles were wooden, not metal. I also only brought small projects, i.e. socks, so that my needles didn't intimidate any non-knitting muggles :) I'm not sure about international flights though. Your best bet is to call your airline and ask them. Also...bring some waste yarn, just in case they confiscate your needles, that way you can slide your stitches onto the yarn and not lose any of your work- you can pick them back up later.

Hope that helps :)

Anonymous said...

dont let stupid berklee and work get you down and dictate your mood and happiness, your a wondeful person and an amzingly talented singer and performer and whenever your famous who the hell is gna care about what grades you got in one of your semesters at berklee!! just keep thinking come wednesday 8pm it wil be all be over and your coming home for a well deserved holiday and its going to be amazing!!

Anonymous said...

We all need a spot to vent - no worries. Just remember that a few more days adn you can forget about school for a few weeks and enjoy being home with family! Plus, a C is not bad!

Emily said...

So, a panda walks into a bar. He sits down, orders dinner, and eats his meal. Then he gets up, shoots the bartender and leaves. A policeman sees the whole thing and follows him out to the street.
He say "What are you doing?"
The panda says "What do you mean?"
The policeman says, "You just walked in, ate your meal, shot the bartender and left."
The panda says, "That's what pandas do, eats shoots and leaves."
In no way does this relate to your current situation but it's not a bad joke, huh?
Lots of good wishes

Emily said...

Take FOB 5 and away with ya! Whoo-hoo, Knatty does a question. Also, don't know if you saw where I told you question number 6 in advance? Yep, scratch that, that is now question number 4. Number 6 will be a new one and- I'm expecting- dear to your student's heart.
Whenever you want the tutorial, send me an email I should be able to describe the linking thingy-ma-bob. See? Geek speak. emilybryant24@yahoo.com